Back to Square One

"This is the challenge I’m taking upon myself: Will my life be a meaningless vapor, filled with these and thats, or can I rise to the call God has placed on my life, no matter what it may be, and make a lasting impact on my culture for Him?"

That is an excerpt from my first blog post back in May. When I read it, I feel like smiling at the naive little girl who wrote this (albeit, this was only 7 or 8 months ago). If I knew what was coming, could I have written it?

You see, God has been dealing with me. In the middle of a sermon about something completely unrelated, I felt something strongly impressed into my heart.

Graphics, give up graphics.

My response? I can tell you, I didn't fall on my knees and and say "Yes, Lord, Your will be done!" No. My response was, "Um, God, in case you haven't noticed, I'm actually getting paid jobs now, from people outside my own church!"

Give up graphics.

"Lord, if you didn't know, this is what I'm going to go to college for in the fall!" 

Give up graphics.

"No, you don't understand! I'm a graphic designer. This is my career your talking about here!"

Give up graphics.

"But, God! Graphics is who I am! Graphics is what I'm good at!"

I won't tell you the rest of the lengthy, rather one-sided conversation, but I was really tempted to pretend I didn't hear what God was saying and simply continue doing what I was doing. But I knew that in the end, I didn't want to do something that God wouldn't bless. 

So? I've laid it down. It was a decision I made that night at the altar, but it's also a decision I have to make every day.

I don't really know what God's purpose is, or what the outcome will be. Maybe this is simply a test to see if I'll trust Him. It could be that there are things in me that He needs to deal with. Or, God might not intend me to be a graphic designer. 

Only God knows. His will, not mine, be done.