I Choose This?

“I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.”

-Ps 119:45

     I came across this verse while I was reading my Bible this morning, and it really stuck with me. How strange this probably seems to most people! They look at us and see people who are slaves to rules and to outdated religious ideals.

     “What would happen if you cut your hair?” They ask, almost as if expecting us to reply that we would immediately fall over dead, or, perhaps be excommunicated from our families and church. “Do you like, have to wear skirts?”

     “No!” We tell them time and time again, “This isn’t something we have to do, it’s something we choose to do.”

     “Wait, you choose to do this?!”

     Sometimes, I think we can act like the unnamed interrogater above. We change from saying, “I choose this,” to questioning, “I choose this??” We forget this incredible freedom that we have in God. We can begin to look at holiness and standards like it’s something dooming us to a life of sticking out like a sore thumb.

     That is completely opposite from the truth! Before, we were slaves to sin, the end result being an eternity of pain and torture, an eternity completely separated from God. But now, we have the freedom to follow God and His commands. (Romans 6)

     Be confident in the freedom you have!

Fearful

Revelation 21:8: But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. 

Yes. I know this does seem like a strange verse to base an entire blog post on. Actually, it’s not as odd as it seems... this is one of the verses we have  get to memorize for Bible Quizzing this year. One day, one of the words suddenly struck me: fearful. Woah. That can’t be right. I must have gotten the words mixed up. It’s probably supposed to say ‘but the prideful, and unbelieving...”

But no. The word is fearful. This seems odd, a fearful person lumped into the same category as murderers? As whoremongers and idolaters? I can see how fear might not be the best character trait, but this seems a little but harsh!

In truth, it’s more than harsh. This hits home. You see, I can be very fearful. The fear of what others think of me influences what I do and say more than I like to admit. Fear of my own inadequacies prevent me from stepping out and aspiring to bigger and greater things. Fear of the course our country and world are taking can overwhelm me. In short, according to Revelation 21:8, I–along with the unbelieving and murderers–will be excluded from heaven.

Right?

Well, yes and no. 

Allow me to elaborate. Did you know that fear is a noun? It’s an idea or a feeling, just like inspiration or awe. That means that by itself, fear as wrong as a table or a tree (also nouns). 

Fear must be acted on, however. For example: let’s pretend that you were really afraid of big yellow balloons. One day you are walking down the road, and someone offers you a free, big, yellow balloon. You have two options at this point: 1) Accept the ballon despite your fear and continue on your walk, or, 2) Shrink back in fear (the balloon is really scary after all), and run away screaming.

If you chose number one, you acted in spite of your fear. Good job! 

If you chose number two, you were driven by your fear. :(  I’m sorry, that was the wrong answer. 

Another negative response to fear is demonstrated in a story found in Matthew 8: Now when He got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. And suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea, so that the boat was covered with the waves. But He was asleep. Then His disciples came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. So the men marveled, saying, “Who can this be, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?” 

When you act in spite of your fear and counteract your fear with faith, you get what is commonly known as courage. Joshua 1:7 says, “Only be strong and very courageous, that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go.”
 

When your driven by your fear, you are demonstrating a lack of faith. This is the destructive fear referred to in Revelations 21:8 and in Matthew 8. This is contrary to scripture. 2 Timothy 1:4 states, “ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

At times it seems like the deeper I look into my heart, the more doubt and fear I find hidden there. Just when it seems like I’m drawing close God and He is using me, I find yet another thing that needs to be removed. Perhaps this is why Paul, in his letter to Timothy towards the end of his life, stated that he was chief among sinners. You can never achieve perfection here in this life, for life is a journey of perfecting. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, we need to give up things that we want to cling to. Yes, we have to surrender ourselves over and over again. But, it’ll be worth it all one day. 

Let’s not be fearful. 

Beauty–Through the Eyes of a Child

My aunt was beautiful. Sure, her glasses were quirky and her sense of style wasn’t exactly cutting edge, but I never noticed. 

She was getting married, and I was going to be one of the flower girls (something I had wanted to do ever since my best friend had been a flower girl a couple years prior). I had a beautiful dress, the rollers were in my hair, and all the adults were abuzz with excitement while they were getting ready.

A few cousins and I giggled as we darted in and out of the various rooms in my grandpa’s house only hours before the wedding. I was just 7, and this was my first time in a wedding.

On the way to the church, I remember my aunt turning in the passenger seat to talk to someone behind her. That was the first time I had seen her with her hair done and her makeup on. I started. What had they done to her? I was horrified, why–on her wedding day of all days–would her well meaning sisters and aunts make her look ugly? Scary even? It just didn’t make sense; people were supposed to be beautiful at their weddings, weren’t they?

A child’s natural reaction to make-up is to disdain it. They see it for what it really is: a facade. Over time, children grow up (obviously), and their mindsets change. I did, and mine has.

True beauty is something that is easy to lose sight of, especially when the culture shoves billboards and magazine ads in our faces, screaming “SEE?! THIS IS REAL BEAUTY!’  Eventually, we begin to agree with them. “Yes,” we reply, “that is how to look beautiful.”

Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” How easy that is to forget! A month or two ago, I was reminded of this verse again. You see, I read a quote that will probably always stick with me. It said, “I would rather be a Proverbs 31 woman than a super model.”

I love that! Here is a woman that has made pleasing God her ultimate goal, not the pleasing the world. I’m thankful that I have many women like her in my life who tell me to do this every day. Oh, they don’t tell me with words, they tell me with their actions. I want to thank them, I hope one day I can do the same thing.

Super Human

“I need Jesus.”

This is something that I know very well to be true. I know my faults, my insecurities and fears, what things tempt me, and what patterns of thought I am quick to leap into. These things leave me convinced that I am not able to do life on my own, I need God. After all, I’m only human.

“Susie needs Jesus.”

I also admit that my friend, “Susie,” needs God. I can see for myself that she has struggles. I was with her only last week when her dog died, her curling iron caught on fire, and her boyfriend broke up with her in one afternoon! She needs a strength, other than her own, to rely on. After all, she’s only human. 

“Mr. Johnson needs Jesus.”

I am even willing concede that my neighbor, “Mr. Johnson,” needs Jesus. I may not be able to say this from first hand experience, but he hasn’t mowed his lawn in almost two months, the weeds are almost as high as his windows. I think he probably has some issues he needs help dealing with. After all, he’s only human.

“Whitney Houston does not need Jesus.”

Whitney Houston is gorgeous, has a voice that just might put angels to shame, lives in a mansion, has the perfect family, and makes more money in one year than I will see in ten! Her life is perfectly put together. After all, she’s like, super human.

Oh, never mind that last one, I just saw the headlines....

Do you see the sheer inconsistency of my reasoning? How ridiculous it looks written out? I do.  I have to confess that I make this mistake all the time. Elevating people to a “super human” status, I pass them by. “This person is gorgeous; she doesn’t need God,” or, “This person is loaded; he doesn't need a savior.”

Saturday, the world was shocked to discover that Whitney Houston had died, likely from drug abuse. Fox News, after writing a glowing report of her accomplishments during the 80’s, had this to say: “But by the end of her career, Houston became a stunning cautionary tale of the toll of drug use. Her album sales plummeted and the hits stopped coming; her once serene image was shattered by a wild demeanor and bizarre public appearances. She confessed to abusing cocaine, marijuana and pills, and her once-pristine voice became raspy and hoarse, unable to hit the high notes as she had during her prime.”

Alright, so Whitney Houston wasn’t super human. She was like the billions of people in this world, who after surrounding themselves with everything imaginable, found it wasn’t enough to bring them fulfillment.

I wonder if there was anyone who was courageous enough to see through the superman facade and see the ordinary person underneath. Was there anyone who was a beacon of light to her? If I had been there, would I have been able to?

Tea on a Snowy Day

There's just something soothing about watching snow fall. I'm sitting on our window seat with a cup of chai tea in my hand, and life just seems... right. All of my questions and doubts have disappeared along with the few remaining tips of grass. The silence is peaceful. It almost feels as if God has hit the pause button on life and time is at a stand-still (although I can see the second hand ticking away, so I know it's not). 

I'm almost done with my reverie (I have school work waiting), but if I can just offer a thought. It's so easy to get caught up in things that aren't even that important. People argue their sides, offend their friends, and become so invested emotionally in the things that are temporary.

About a week ago, Pastor Soto said, "When your eyes are locked on Jesus, you can't fail. It's when you turn your eyes on self that sin happens." I think having these quiet times helps us to refocus. Everybody should drink some tea on a snowy day......or you can have coffee, whatever floats your boat.

Back to Square One

"This is the challenge I’m taking upon myself: Will my life be a meaningless vapor, filled with these and thats, or can I rise to the call God has placed on my life, no matter what it may be, and make a lasting impact on my culture for Him?"

That is an excerpt from my first blog post back in May. When I read it, I feel like smiling at the naive little girl who wrote this (albeit, this was only 7 or 8 months ago). If I knew what was coming, could I have written it?

You see, God has been dealing with me. In the middle of a sermon about something completely unrelated, I felt something strongly impressed into my heart.

Graphics, give up graphics.

My response? I can tell you, I didn't fall on my knees and and say "Yes, Lord, Your will be done!" No. My response was, "Um, God, in case you haven't noticed, I'm actually getting paid jobs now, from people outside my own church!"

Give up graphics.

"Lord, if you didn't know, this is what I'm going to go to college for in the fall!" 

Give up graphics.

"No, you don't understand! I'm a graphic designer. This is my career your talking about here!"

Give up graphics.

"But, God! Graphics is who I am! Graphics is what I'm good at!"

I won't tell you the rest of the lengthy, rather one-sided conversation, but I was really tempted to pretend I didn't hear what God was saying and simply continue doing what I was doing. But I knew that in the end, I didn't want to do something that God wouldn't bless. 

So? I've laid it down. It was a decision I made that night at the altar, but it's also a decision I have to make every day.

I don't really know what God's purpose is, or what the outcome will be. Maybe this is simply a test to see if I'll trust Him. It could be that there are things in me that He needs to deal with. Or, God might not intend me to be a graphic designer. 

Only God knows. His will, not mine, be done.